Ladybugs & Stinkbugs

A church was interviewing a new organist one Sunday morning. The pastor tells her "I'm going to preaching on tithing this morning then at the end I'm going to ask people to stand and pledge to give money to the church. So pick out something appropriate to play."

So the pastor gives him sermon and passionately pleads at the end "so now if you're ready to give your money to this church, I invite you to stand." At which time the organist starts playing The Star Spangled Banner. The pastor looks over at the organist and mouths "you're hired!"
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Where was Moses when the lights went out?

In the dark.
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How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.

How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to change the bulb and four to bind the spirit of darkness in the room.

How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One man to change bulb & four wives to tell him how to do it.
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A Christian man was such a good servant that God told him: "Ask me whatever you want and I'll give it to you"
The guys answered: "Make a highway from my house in LA to Hawaii so that I can go on vacation drive anytime I want".
God responded: "well, since you are such a good hearted guy, I was expecting something a little more... 'loving towards your fellow Christians, something less material and more substantial..'.
The guy thinks about it and replies: "ok, since you value marriage and relationships so much, what about you give me the ability to always understand women?"

God responds: "How many lanes do you want on your highway?"
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n old country preacher was visiting his church members one beautiful spring Saturday when he arrived at the house of a younger couple. Their car was in the driveway and the windows of the house were open, so it was obvious the couple was home. The preacher knocked on the door, but no one answered. A second knock went unanswered, and a third. So the preacher wrote Revelation 3:20 on his business card and left it in the door. (Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.)
The next day after church, the preacher was counting the money from the collection plate when he noticed his business card had been dropped in with the offerings. The couple had written Genesis 3:10 beneath the previous verse. (I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.)